Barney the Purple Mutant
by Deneveon
Summary: Barney a mutant? Yep! Barney quits his job and heads off to be an "X-Man". What will happen? I don't know. You read it! PLease R&R.


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Barney the Purple Mutant  
  
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CHAPTER ONE: New Beginnings (Er, let's take that scene again, shall we?)  
  
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Disclaimer: I do not own Barney (YES! I am talking about the big purple dino kids love!). I do not own X-Men. ARE YOU SATISFIED NOW, YOU HUNGRY LAWYERS?! DON'T SUE ME! I AM JUST A SIMPLE AMATEUR AUTHOR WITH NO REAL MONEY! SO BUG OFF!  
  
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Author's Note: I was a Barney-freak when I was a kid. I'm not hiding it. Laugh all you want. But of course I'd want you to laugh because that is the entire point of this fic, isn't it? WELL, ISN'T IT? So, I thought, what if Barney was considered a mutant because he could turn from lovable stuffed toy to this huge, fat, purple creature? Here's what I could come up with!  
  
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Indicates thoughts.  
  
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"I love you, Barney!"  
  
"Aw, I love you, too!" Barney said, hugging a kid. "I'll see you soon now! Buh-bye! Bye!"  
  
"AND CUT!" The director announced. "Perfect. I'll see you soon, Barney, and uh, try practicing your voice a little, would you?"  
  
"Yes, boss," The purple dinosaur sighed. This job is getting old. I wish I could be like those X-Men, who save the world. Yes! I will join the X-Men! THEY will come to understand my TRUE talents!  
  
Stalking over to the producer's office, he opened the door but tried his best to put on an angry face. Of course, he couldn't, because his "beloved smile that kids loved around the world" was paralyzed and permanently pasted on his purple face.  
  
"Steve, I'm quitting." He crossed his arms across his chest. Er, let me rephrase that. He ATTEMPTED to cross his arms across his chest. His tiny arms couldn't reach each other, so he let them fall to the side instead.  
  
The producer looked up and smiled. "That's nice, B," he started, turning back to his work. "You can have the coffee mugs if you want."  
  
"No, Steve, I'm quitting. I'm done. Kaput."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
Barney was angry now. "I SAID, I QUIT!" And he stormed out of the office, as pairs of curious eyes wondered what the lovable dino was doing mad.  
  
***  
  
Hmm. Let's see…Professor Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. I'm not exactly young anymore, but oh, what the heck. Wouldn't hurt.  
  
He walked in, but was nearly tackled by five toddlers screaming, "Barney! I love you, Barney!"  
  
"Uh, wait! Get off! Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"  
  
Beast walked over and helped the poor fellow. I mean, mascot. Oh, that's wrong… forget it.  
  
"Well, well, if it isn't ol' Barney the purple dinosaur. What're YOU doing here, guy?" He said, suspicious.  
  
"I'll tell you if you let me up and get these kids off me!"  
  
"Hmm, I'll have to think about that…" Beast paused. "Okay. Kids, get off the big purple dinosaur now. He will play with you later."  
  
"Okay!" They all laughed.  
  
"Huh. Thanks, uh…"  
  
"Hank." Helping him up, he said, "So, what are you doing here?"  
  
"I want to join the X-Men."  
  
It took a while for him to catch what Barney said, but when he did his eyes widened in laughter. "You're kidding!"  
  
"No, I am not," Barney said, irritated. "I want to join the X-Men," he asserted.  
  
"So, that means you're not kidding."  
  
"I'm not kidding."  
  
Turning serious, Beast looked around. "You'll have to talk to Prof X about that."  
  
***  
  
"So, you want to join the X-Men?" Prof X repeated.  
  
"Yes! I've said that a dozen times today!"  
  
"And what is your, ahem, power?"  
  
"I can turn into a stuffed toy and back. And I can make this bag that has unlimited art supplies appear."  
  
"Uh-huh. And how can this benefit us?"  
  
"I don't know." Barney scratched his head. "I'm just tired of squealing kids, that's all. And if I try to get a new job, people will just laugh me off. Like that guy over there." He motioned towards Beast, who was in the corner.  
  
"I cannot say if I will let you or not, but fine, you can stay here for a while."  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"But, like I said, you must prove yourself useful."  
  
"I can cook cookies!"  
  
"Um, all right…"  
  
"Cookies!"  
  
"Yes! I know! Let me introduce you to the gang, then."  
  
"Cookies!"  
  
***  
  
Beast waited for everyone's laughter to subside.  
  
"This is a great April Fool's joke! Great one!" Jubilee said between breaths.  
  
"Yeah, not bad!" Logan added. "You actually have a sense of humor!"  
  
"No, guys, I mean it! BARNEY WANTS TO JOIN THE X-MEN!"  
  
Slowly everyone stopped giggling, laughing or grinning. They realized it was all true.  
  
"You don't mean--" Rogue managed.  
  
"I mean every word," Beast replied, to the surprise of everyone. He waited an awkward minute.  
  
"Okay, so I guess the Prof wants us to meet him, right?" Scott asked.  
  
"No," he corrected. "Barney wants to meet us, the famous X-Men."  
  
***  
  
Rogue gasped as she saw the huge mascot in X's office. It's all true.  
  
As our heroes piled into the room, Barney turned and waved. "Hello."  
  
Some said hi, some stood there, mouth agape, and some just stared, stunned that the famous children's hero was sitting in their boss' office.  
  
"This is Barney, the famous celebrity from children's television. Barney, this is the X-Men," X introduced.  
  
Some shook the dino's small hand. I mean, fingers. He only has two, doesn't he?  
  
Rogue's childish instincts kicked in. "I can't believe it! Mister, can I have your autograph? When I was little kid I LOVED your show!" She started singing to the amusement of the others in the room. "I loooove you, you looooove me, we're a happeeee famileeeeeee…."  
  
Then Logan stepped forward, tears forming. "I watched your show three hours a day!" Then he hugged the big dino.  
  
He was followed by Jubilee, Scott and Storm. Soon all the other X-Men After an hour of hugs and testimonies of watching Barney on TV decades ago, X resumed his talk.  
  
"We are to house him and train him to use his powers well. You, Barney, will meet others like you--" X paused and though about what he had just said. "Oh, what am I saying? I can't give you the same speech I gave Logan. You're a purple dinosaur who can turn into a little stuffed toy!" X sighed.  
  
"I can make cookies!" Barney said, a twinkle in his glass eye. Or is it plastic?  
  
"What?" Scott asked.  
  
"Cookies!"  
  
***  
  
REVIEW! Please review, people! That is the author's fuel to go on writing! Well, okay, maybe not, my fuel is KC Masterpiece potato chips (mini- disclaimer: I do not own those chips. Lays does) and chocolate milk. So they hardly go together, what the heck. I eat 'em anyway! Happy reading! Uh, okay…never mind.  
  
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